Relationship puzzles? Thank Heaven there are only 2 genders!

Do you ever reach a point where relationship is doing your head in?  I do, regularly, but I’ve found a way of looking on the bright side.  Imagine if there were three genders, not two: instead of a man and a woman trying to get it together, there’d be three.  Let’s call them male, female and alien.



Male, female and alien, looking for harmony

Now a man would have to understand, impress and attract two quite different species, not just one.  And the female and the alien would have to fancy each other as well as the man.  Exciting sex positions would become far harder, with three genders having to align themselves.  But the permutations could be boggling.

Even five minutes of this scenario helps me realise how much worse it could be.  But the whole man-woman thing seems so badly designed, like a prototype never debugged.  If this was a computer game, you’d demand an upgrade.  Biological drives are just one example of the mismatched programming.  Men are hard-wired to share their seed with many partners, women want a loyal mate to raise the brood with.  It’s enough to do anyone’s head in.  And maybe that’s the point....

On my better days, I believe there’s always a learning in the problem, and I imagine it like this.  If men can rise above the biology, there’s a huge prize awaiting them.  All it needs is transformation, complete reprogramming: learning to feel and express emotions, open to the love and neuroses of a woman, take the perilous plunge into…..Intimacy.

This requires courage and skills far greater than James Bond, Indiana Jones, and all those other male heroes, who can only cope with outward adventures.  If you want to prepare for the real, inner challenge, keep reading this blog, come to one of my workshops, and wait for my book Maturing Men. 

Just him, her and.....it?

Is it only men who need to change?  No, but that’s another story.  One way to prepare for this journey is by reviewing your projections onto women, especially your current partner.  Consider your early beliefs and experiences around women: with your mother when you were a child; teenage and young adult encounters; and repeating patterns with partners.

Tease out the beliefs you now carry about women in general, and ponder if you are projecting these onto your present partner, and other key women in your life.  Imagine switching off the projector, seeing them in natural daylight, as they really are.  You may find a whole new relationship awaits you!